Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Perdut a Berlin - Lost in Berlin (Català - English)
Hola Wen.Són les 5 del matí i, després de tres long islands desaprofitats, camino pels carrers de Berlin. El sol ja puja, és com mig de nit mig de dia. Vaig pels passadissos del metro escribint en aquesta mena de tovalló de bar que m'he trobat pel terra de l'estació. Ara mateix somric: sóc feliç, estic trist, tinc valor, sóc cobard, sóc el Marc...o sóc el nou Marc...o vell?! o el de sempre? I
darrera la questió bàsica, n'hi ha d'altres com: Estic fent això perquè ho necessito? ho vull? ho desitjo? és un deure? un hobbi? és una necessitat? un plaer? una evasió? una il.lusió? No sé què cony és...un objectiu, una decisió, és clar...basada en una experiència? una degradació? per perdre la por? per guanyar-ne'n? per huïr de la realitat? per sortir de la normalitat? per fer d'una 
huïda una vida? Estic sol? acompanyat? estic aprenent? estic destruint-me? Ho vull? ho odio? Aprofito? Ho llenço tot? No sé Wen...Més perdut que mai, si cap. O massa situat. No sé si estic guanyant, estic perdent. Estic ajudant? Estic traïnt? Renunciant? Recolzant? Esperant? Ni on, ni per què ni per qui. Això és poder? debilitat? inconstància? Tinc jo la resposta? O potser algu em pot ajudar a tenir-la....? necessito algú per tenir-la o jo mateix l'he de trobar? Només jo? Els altres també havia dit que era jo, no? I els altres que hi pensen! Hi pensen? Penso en els altres i els 
altres pensen en mi? Sóc jo l'amo absolut de la meva vida? No m'influeix ningú? influeixo jo en alguna vida? No ho sé...perquè no les comparteixo..o si? I on sóc? Ho saben? Ho he de dir? O no cal que ho digui...Els altres la volen compartir o potser volen compartir el que jo no vull? I si vull compartir el que no volen? I...allò de voler es poder i poder és voler....Per què no vull? I no puc? Puc voler no poder i no poder voler? No sé on sóc ni per què: destí, casualitat, o realitat....En allò de: Si et 
necessito, per què et deixo? Em necessites? T'importa que et deixi? Vols estar amb mi? Vols el millor per a mi o per a tu? Vols aprendre o desfer-te'n? Viure sense res? Viure amb molt? Perdre els papers? Guanyar-los? Plorar per algú o amb algú? Trobar-te amb algú en algun lloc o perdre-t'hi...Plorar de riure? O riure de la pena? Viatjar per gaudir? O gaudir i viatjar? Sentir-se diferent a dins....o sentir-se igual a fora? Beure per oblidar o per recordar? Recordar viure? Oblidar morir?Sentir alegria per viure? Viure per sentir-se alegre? 
Nó sé, Wen...Al cap i a la fi tots som iguals..Volem el mateix però ho busquem de maneres diferents. Les diferències ens fan trobar allò que volem. No sé si en aquest país a algú li faria gràcia trobar-se amb mi...Per això penso que no som tan diferents...Què és adaptació? No sentir-se diferent i fer el que fan els altres en un sistema establert per quatre gilipolles? I...necessito adaptar-me en un món indiferent que no vol la diferència? O la indiferència s'hauria d'adaptar a la normalitat? ...Tots som 
diferents i tots som iguals, no sé.El pitjor de totes aquestes preguntes no és el fet de no saber les respostes....és la puta impotència que em dona no poder discutir-les.
Kina rallada deu meu
:)
Marc
Hey Wen!
It's around 5am and, after some Long Island Iced Teas I try to walk through the streets i
n Berlin. I'm in the subway corridors trying to write down on a kind of napkin I found on the floor of the cafe in the main station. I'm smiling right now: I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm full of courage, I'm just coward...I'm Marc...the new Marc..or the old one? Or the Marc I've always been! And behind these basic questions, I got some others like: Am I doing this cuz I really need it? Do I want it? Do I desire it? Is it my duty? a hobby? maybe a need? pleasure? an escape? an illusion? I don't know what the 
hell it is...maybe a goal, a decision...Of course it's a decision but is it based on an experience? a degradation? in order to overcome my fears? in order to have them? to run away of my life? to build a life from the escape? Am I alone? Am I with somebody else? Am I learning? Am I destroying myself? Do I want it? Do I hate it? Do I take advantage of it? Do I throw it out?...I dunno, Wen, more confused than ever! Am I 
helping someone? Am I betraying me? Am I supporting the others? Am I waiting for someone? No idea where, who or what I'm waiting for! Is it power? weakness? inconstancy? Do I got the answer? Or maybe...someone can give it to me!? Do I need somebody for that? Or..Am I able to find out by myself? Only by myself? The others were supposed to be part of me, weren't they? But do you think they think about it? Do they? Do I think about 'em? Am I my absolute owner? Do they have influence on me? Do I 
influence on someone's life? I dunno...cuz I don't normally share these lifes... or do I? And where I am? Do they know it? Do I gotta say it? Do I have to say it? or maybe..Do I need to say it? Maybe they wanna share it with me but how about sharing what u don't wanna share at all? How about sharing what they dont wanna share with me? And how about: " Where there's a will there's a way" Is there a will? Is there a way? Is it possible to have a will and no way? Can I find a way with no will? I dunno 
where nor why I am. How about: If I need you, why do I leave you? Do you need me? Do u mind if I leave you? Do u wanna be with me? Do u want the best for me ...or for you? Do u wanna pack the bag or unpack it? Living with nothing? Living with everything? Losing your self-control? Or controlling yourself? Crying for or with someone? Meeting up somebody somewhere...or getting lost with somebody? Travelling to enjoy? or enjoy while travelling? Laughing just to keep from crying or crying just to keep from laughing? Feeling different inside or feeling the same outside? 
Drinking in order to forget? or in order to remember¿...Remember how to live? Forgetting how to die? Feeling great to live? Living to feel great? I dunno...We are all the same, we want the same but we try to find it with different tools and ways. Differences make us find what we wanna find. I don't even know if they like me in this country, or they don't! That's why I think we are not so different! What's adaptation? Trying not to feel different and carrying out what some assholes ordered us? Do I really need to adapt myself in an indifferent world that doesn't care about the difference? Indifference is adapted to the normality. We are all different, we are all the same..I dunno!
What it's really annoying is not the fact that I don't know all these answers...it's the fucking powerlessness I feel everytime I think I'm not able to argue about them.
Ouf!! Good nite,
Bona nit.
Marc
It's around 5am and, after some Long Island Iced Teas I try to walk through the streets i
n Berlin. I'm in the subway corridors trying to write down on a kind of napkin I found on the floor of the cafe in the main station. I'm smiling right now: I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm full of courage, I'm just coward...I'm Marc...the new Marc..or the old one? Or the Marc I've always been! And behind these basic questions, I got some others like: Am I doing this cuz I really need it? Do I want it? Do I desire it? Is it my duty? a hobby? maybe a need? pleasure? an escape? an illusion? I don't know what the 
hell it is...maybe a goal, a decision...Of course it's a decision but is it based on an experience? a degradation? in order to overcome my fears? in order to have them? to run away of my life? to build a life from the escape? Am I alone? Am I with somebody else? Am I learning? Am I destroying myself? Do I want it? Do I hate it? Do I take advantage of it? Do I throw it out?...I dunno, Wen, more confused than ever! Am I 
helping someone? Am I betraying me? Am I supporting the others? Am I waiting for someone? No idea where, who or what I'm waiting for! Is it power? weakness? inconstancy? Do I got the answer? Or maybe...someone can give it to me!? Do I need somebody for that? Or..Am I able to find out by myself? Only by myself? The others were supposed to be part of me, weren't they? But do you think they think about it? Do they? Do I think about 'em? Am I my absolute owner? Do they have influence on me? Do I 
influence on someone's life? I dunno...cuz I don't normally share these lifes... or do I? And where I am? Do they know it? Do I gotta say it? Do I have to say it? or maybe..Do I need to say it? Maybe they wanna share it with me but how about sharing what u don't wanna share at all? How about sharing what they dont wanna share with me? And how about: " Where there's a will there's a way" Is there a will? Is there a way? Is it possible to have a will and no way? Can I find a way with no will? I dunno 
where nor why I am. How about: If I need you, why do I leave you? Do you need me? Do u mind if I leave you? Do u wanna be with me? Do u want the best for me ...or for you? Do u wanna pack the bag or unpack it? Living with nothing? Living with everything? Losing your self-control? Or controlling yourself? Crying for or with someone? Meeting up somebody somewhere...or getting lost with somebody? Travelling to enjoy? or enjoy while travelling? Laughing just to keep from crying or crying just to keep from laughing? Feeling different inside or feeling the same outside? 
Drinking in order to forget? or in order to remember¿...Remember how to live? Forgetting how to die? Feeling great to live? Living to feel great? I dunno...We are all the same, we want the same but we try to find it with different tools and ways. Differences make us find what we wanna find. I don't even know if they like me in this country, or they don't! That's why I think we are not so different! What's adaptation? Trying not to feel different and carrying out what some assholes ordered us? Do I really need to adapt myself in an indifferent world that doesn't care about the difference? Indifference is adapted to the normality. We are all different, we are all the same..I dunno!What it's really annoying is not the fact that I don't know all these answers...it's the fucking powerlessness I feel everytime I think I'm not able to argue about them.
Ouf!! Good nite,
Bona nit.
Marc
Comments:
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Marc,
Crec k tots ens fem la majoria de preguntes ket vas fer tú akell dia xo no totes de cop!!!!! Ets tot 1 filósof!!!!
I'm agree with you amb això k dius k les diferències ens fan trobar el k volem.
Gràcies per fer-me el final de torn més entretingut!!! I per ajudar-me amb els problemes del nou programa ;D kina vergonya!!!
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Crec k tots ens fem la majoria de preguntes ket vas fer tú akell dia xo no totes de cop!!!!! Ets tot 1 filósof!!!!
I'm agree with you amb això k dius k les diferències ens fan trobar el k volem.
Gràcies per fer-me el final de torn més entretingut!!! I per ajudar-me amb els problemes del nou programa ;D kina vergonya!!!
# posted by 
: 10:45 PM
: 10:45 PM << Home
